it's the 20th night of ramadan tonight and i'm already in the hari raya mood. and like every year, i'm excited for it.
i can't wait for waking up early in the morning and getting ready, wearing my beautiful baju raya (kebaya, of course), putting on makeup and making myself look pretty and glamorous in the raya morning. and stuffing my face with endless amounts of ketupat pulut, kari ayam, rendang daging, kuah satay, lemang and buras. oh, so delicious.
every year for as long as i could remember, we would go to my dad's family house first before going on the 30 minutes road trip to my mom's family house in kampung. usually on the first day of raya, we would mostly visit my mom's relatives at kampung because they live closer to each other. unlike my dad's relatives, we would visit them on the second day of raya.
it has been a custom that my dad's side of the family would gather at my late grandparent's house every first raya morning. besides, they only live within 5 minutes walking distance from my house. however, since my grandparents, whom i addressed as babu and tok ayah, passed away 2 years ago, our raya has become a little somber. but it's the nature of life and death, nothing stays the same and eventually we will lose some people along the journey, it's only a matter of time.
so, my aunts and uncles would always try to make it cheerful and lively for raya. in particular, my uncle is a great cook, he would be the one to prepare most of the dishes and kuih raya, since he was the only one in our family who got to learn how to make babu's kuih raya. while also being a great singer, my uncle will serenade us with his never-ending karaoke, ranging from malay lagu raya to english old love songs. me and my cousins would dance ridiculously. i would always try to record these moments but my dad's side of the family is too chaotic, sometimes things happen too fast before i could grab my phone.
meanwhile my mom's side of the family stays at kampung, which is quite far from town. therefore, i don't get to see my cousins often, hence why i'm not really close with them. i only ever see them two or three times a year. so usually i would sit with my aunts and listen to their gossip. i still have my grandmother from my mom's side. everyday i'm thankful that she is alive and healthy, and still remembers my face. what makes raya from my mom's side of the family special is that i get to eat ketupat pulut that my grandmother wove the leaves herself. i'm talking about the traditional ketupat, not ketupat palas or anything. literally, i would thank god after every bite, it's so special, at least to me.
when i was younger, i used to complain about being tired from the walking, the visiting and the socializing. we would always start our day so early and we would come back home late at night. now that i'm an adult, i kinda regret not enjoying my hari raya during my childhood to the fullest because now i miss it. as i'm growing older, raya had lost a little meaning and doesn't feel as harmonious as it used to be when i was a kid. the only thing i had to worry about was "will the owner of this house give me duit raya or not?". life was simpler back then, i didn't have to think about much. i didn't have to dress up to look presentable, worry about eating too much, wearing makeup to cover my acne, nor posting on social media for validation. all i think about in that little brain of mine was "how many keropok amplang can i fit in my mouth?" but now, as a 22-year-old adult, i can't even decide about what i wanna eat, rendang or kari? should i wear false eyelashes or not? and so forth...
but it's too late to be stuck in the past now right? so i'm just living in the moment and cherishing every second of it because i won't get to experience it again. who knows, i might not get to live for hari raya next year. or i might be stuck on campus, unable to come home and spend it with my family? we never know. so until then, let's appreciate it.
xoxo, A.