lately i’ve been thinking about this more than i’d like to admit. about writing, about this blog. about whether i should actually take this seriously or just keep it as something quiet and personal, like it has always been.
someone very close to me, someone i consider more than just a cousin, more like a sister, told me that i actually have a talent for writing. she complimented the way i write, said it makes people want to keep reading, that it feels different in a good way. and i don’t know why, but hearing that stayed with me. (shout out to you, beebee).
because to me, writing has always been just something i do. not something i thought i was particularly good at.
but when i really think about it, i’ve always loved writing. even back in primary school, i enjoyed it. it only grew more during high school when i started learning in depth on different types of writing like narrative, descriptive, expository and argumentative. i remember actually enjoying those lessons. and humble brag, i’ve always scored A+ for my english, mostly because of my essay writing. i remember my english teachers always praising me for it, and my classmates would come to me for guidance or help with anything related to english. i was their go-to.
i guess my love for writing came from my love for reading. i’ve always been drawn to words, to stories, to the way sentences can make you feel something.
but still, even with all that, i never really saw myself as a writer.
i’ve been blogging since i was a kid. on and off, disappearing and coming back again. i never fully left it. it always stayed somewhere in the back of my mind.
and now that i’m here again, writing, i can feel it, that quiet pull. the urge to write things down. to document my thoughts, my life, the little moments that don’t seem important until they are.
sometimes i wonder what it would be like if i actually committed to this. not just writing whenever i feel like it, but really showing up for it. being a lifestyle blogger, a writer. someone who shares her life in words.
but then again i hesitate. because this space feels like a diary. and letting people read your diary feels vulnerable. this blog really is like a diary to me. and i don’t know if i’m ready to let other people read something that feels this personal. to see the way i think, the way i feel, the parts of me i don’t usually show.
but who knows? maybe in the future i will make it public. maybe one day i’ll put my blog out there on the internet, alongside all the other lifestyle blogs that i always find myself reading. maybe i’ll be one of them.
i think what scares me the most is the idea of losing the honesty in my writing. right now, i write freely. i don’t overthink too much. i just let things flow.
but once people start reading, would i still write the same way? or would i start filtering myself without even realizing it?
i don’t have the answer to that yet. maybe i’m not ready. or maybe i am and i’m just scared of what comes with it.
for now, i’ll just keep writing. slowly, honestly, without forcing anything.
and maybe one day, without even realizing it, i’ll become the kind of writer i’ve been thinking about all along.
xoxo, a.